Okay, so I'm trying to get a little more consistent with these entries, but finding space and time with a 22 month old and a 2 month old ain't so easy. LOL. But I did want to make this post based on a conversation I had with my significant other a few days ago.
We were in the car riding, and having a conversation I'm sure about something I forgot or didn't do or don't do anymore, and, as he began asking me what was wrong, I tried to explain my point of view as best as possible without being too emotional, because, you know my hormones are still gathering themselves. As I began explaining that I find it difficult to find a moment to myself to relax, breathe, and meditate on my purpose, his response was, "your purpose", as if to ask why I would want time to do that. And I said yes, what I'd like to do with myself in conjunction with motherhood. And then he told me that my problem is that I still think like I'm single with no kids. And it made me think, well no one ever said just because I had kids I couldn't want to do something else with my life as well.
See, before I became a mom, I had goals, aspirations, dreams, if you will. Of being a writer, a publisher and was working part time as a Sales Rep for the largest newspaper in the state. During my pregnancy though, I decided I wanted to be a stay at home mom and work from home, but was too scared to take the leap myself. Eventually though, I was forced into taking that step as I was terminated from my job for being late during my pregnancy and after I returned to work. I must say that even then I saw having a baby was going to be an adjustment for me, as it was already adjusting my ability to get myself ready for work. Gratefully I'd already found a "job" working from home by the time this happened, but I didn't know just the difficult situation I was putting myself in.
Working from home sounds idealistic until you realize that unless you run a tight ship, it's nearly impossible not to be worn out at the end of each day. And even if you do, you'll probably still be spent with cooking, cleaning, changing babies, keeping them occupied during the time that you're working; all of that can be draining. Top that with 10 to 13 hour days just to pay the bills, when you are use to five to six hour days with money to spare, and you can find yourself, as I did, wondering what am I doing. Wishing you had the time to dream of something else to do.
After my spouse's reaction, though, I am wondering if that is selfish of me. And, while I don't think it is, he obviously does. But I feel that, to give my children my best, I must be my best, and, if my best entails me still finding purpose with my life outside of them, I should be allowed the space and time to do so, even if it's just 30 minutes a day to do nothing but meditate, so that my energy can be focused. So that I can be that MILFEE mom I see myself as. Hmmmm. I'll end this here for today and continue exploring this with my next post. But if you have thoughts on this please share, because I know I'm probably not alone in this situation or feeling.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
On Beyonce Joining Our MILFEE Journey
Last night viewers got a nice surprise after Beyonce's performance when she opened her jacket and divulged to the world that she and rapper Jay-Z, aka Shawn Carter, are expecting their first child.
Seems like the entire world has been holding their breath waiting for one of the most powerful couples in American entertainment to conceive. Okay, well, maybe not the whole world, but definitely a lot of people in the hip hop community or fans of music in general. But, because I do like to think that she, and other young women who are becoming mothers are reading blogs like this for advice, I would like to offer a couple of things I've learned along my journey that have helped me maintain some of my sanity.
Take the time now to not only enjoy the woman you are becoming as this life grows inside of you, but also take time to reflect on what you appreciated about the woman you are transitioning from. Remember her, and that she needs to remain some sort of a presence in your life for you to be a wonderful mother to your child(ren).
Don't stress about the weight you may gain or any other changes your body goes through while you're pregnant. This is the one time in your life you can indulge guilt free to what you are craving. The baby is helping you gain it, and, if you choose to breastfeed, will also contribute to you losing it. And the rest of your body will bounce back.
Take this time to consult with women who have been where you are. I know for me this was kind of difficult because I felt like my situation was different, so other women wouldn't understand, but as the baby came I discovered that mother is a similar experience for all women, no matter age or financial status.
Accept help. Short advice but some of the hardest to take because, I know for myself, I didn't want to feel like I was asking to much of people to pick up something I couldn't reach or if they could help me tie my shoe. I learned though that many people are will now, if not any other time before.
Get plenty of rest, because once the baby comes, you won't do that for a while. If it doesn't get done TODAY and can be put off until tomorrow, let it be. Get your rest regardless of what anyone else says they need or would like to demand from you.
That's my advice. Enjoy and appreciate being pregnant because not only are you experiencing something that is unique only to a woman, but you are experiencing something many women, for whatever reason never get the chance to, or only get the chance to once in their lives. CONGRATULATIONS and wear becoming a mother with pride, because the confidence that remains after you've given birth is what the best thing you'll wear for a while. But hey, that's all the way MILFEE!!!
Seems like the entire world has been holding their breath waiting for one of the most powerful couples in American entertainment to conceive. Okay, well, maybe not the whole world, but definitely a lot of people in the hip hop community or fans of music in general. But, because I do like to think that she, and other young women who are becoming mothers are reading blogs like this for advice, I would like to offer a couple of things I've learned along my journey that have helped me maintain some of my sanity.
Take the time now to not only enjoy the woman you are becoming as this life grows inside of you, but also take time to reflect on what you appreciated about the woman you are transitioning from. Remember her, and that she needs to remain some sort of a presence in your life for you to be a wonderful mother to your child(ren).
Don't stress about the weight you may gain or any other changes your body goes through while you're pregnant. This is the one time in your life you can indulge guilt free to what you are craving. The baby is helping you gain it, and, if you choose to breastfeed, will also contribute to you losing it. And the rest of your body will bounce back.
Take this time to consult with women who have been where you are. I know for me this was kind of difficult because I felt like my situation was different, so other women wouldn't understand, but as the baby came I discovered that mother is a similar experience for all women, no matter age or financial status.
Accept help. Short advice but some of the hardest to take because, I know for myself, I didn't want to feel like I was asking to much of people to pick up something I couldn't reach or if they could help me tie my shoe. I learned though that many people are will now, if not any other time before.
Get plenty of rest, because once the baby comes, you won't do that for a while. If it doesn't get done TODAY and can be put off until tomorrow, let it be. Get your rest regardless of what anyone else says they need or would like to demand from you.
That's my advice. Enjoy and appreciate being pregnant because not only are you experiencing something that is unique only to a woman, but you are experiencing something many women, for whatever reason never get the chance to, or only get the chance to once in their lives. CONGRATULATIONS and wear becoming a mother with pride, because the confidence that remains after you've given birth is what the best thing you'll wear for a while. But hey, that's all the way MILFEE!!!
Friday, August 19, 2011
On Being Grateful
Each morning, especially since the birth of my second son, I have tried to awaken early in the morning to give thanks for all that I'm grateful for in my life. I am speaking on this today because this past week, I have been so tired, I've over slept almost everyday, therefore going straight into mom mode and not having those moments for myself. And, I noticed, that when I don't wake up and say "thank you", the day seems to go in a more negative than positive direction.
What in the world does this have to be with being "Milfee" you ask. Well great question. See when I don't awaken to being grateful, all those little things that the kiddies do get on my nerves. I'm more testy and instead of seeing things through the explorative eyes of my children, I see them through the jaded eyes of my adulthood. And, instead of focusing on them, I tend to worry more as well. About things I can't really change, like the bills, or how often we eat, instead of being grateful that a way has been provided for us to have a place to stay and at least we eat everyday. Basically it puts me at the negative end of the spectrum, instead of the positive. And we all know being negative doesn't wear us well.
So, if you want to feel great about yourself, and your life in general. Wake up and give thanks. As one of the characters in what has quickly become one of favorite movies, HappyThankYouMorePlease says, "Bliss is your birthright. With gratitude the universe is totally abundant." And we as mothers must live in that abundance to fully appreciate our children, but even more so ourselves and what we mean to the world as moms. Because that is HOT!!
What in the world does this have to be with being "Milfee" you ask. Well great question. See when I don't awaken to being grateful, all those little things that the kiddies do get on my nerves. I'm more testy and instead of seeing things through the explorative eyes of my children, I see them through the jaded eyes of my adulthood. And, instead of focusing on them, I tend to worry more as well. About things I can't really change, like the bills, or how often we eat, instead of being grateful that a way has been provided for us to have a place to stay and at least we eat everyday. Basically it puts me at the negative end of the spectrum, instead of the positive. And we all know being negative doesn't wear us well.
So, if you want to feel great about yourself, and your life in general. Wake up and give thanks. As one of the characters in what has quickly become one of favorite movies, HappyThankYouMorePlease says, "Bliss is your birthright. With gratitude the universe is totally abundant." And we as mothers must live in that abundance to fully appreciate our children, but even more so ourselves and what we mean to the world as moms. Because that is HOT!!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
New Posts!!
There has been a long stretch between this post and my previous posts as I've debated whether or not to continue this blog because I've questioned my commitment to it. I considered not posting anymore as I have not been able to be as dedicated as I'd like to be, seeking out followers and the like. However, after a talk with my sister this weekend on how much a blog like this is needed, if for no other reason to explore motherhood, and, let others know they are not alone, I have decided to re-launch the site within the next few weeks with a new, refreshed dedication, commitment and purpose. I have so many ideas for where I'd really like for this blog to go and who I'd like for it to reach, and I want to be sure that I am giving it my ALL!! In the meantime, I will continue to do a few more posts on this site as I begin to work on plans to transition. But, because of the long stretch between articles I didn't want anyone to think MAKE ME MILFEE was going away. We just want to build a following to change the way that not only mothers feel about motherhood, but others as well, because, these days it seems to be the least respected, yet most important profession (if a woman chooses to become one) a lady can have. PEACE.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Focus On Your Goal
When you start to share your desire to be more than just a mom with some people, or to become a "hot mom" to some people, often times they will begin to impose their goals or path with how it should be done on you. One thing I am learning on this journey to become MILFEE is that part of that means being your own woman. Determining what works for you, not everyone else.
It is an important part of our womanhood, of that sex appeal that attracted our mates, or father of our children, whatever your relationship may be, that we be able to think for ourselves, like we use to. People may get mad and call it you just doing you, but really, maybe you've learned a secret, that if you don't want to lose focus, sometimes you just have to be about it and not speak about it.
I once heard a psychic, who was accused of being a phony say that the reason she always told her clients never to disclose what she'd told them to anyone was because once you do that other people put their energy on it and THAT is what may change things and make them appear to be unreal. And yes, while it initially sounds like something to cover her ass, the basis of it is true. A lot of times what is being bred in you to be able to do to be successful at reaching your goal is for you. And if you go around letting others put their energy on it, saying that what you want to be is impossible, it may then enter into your brain as such, and that then may become true.
It is important, on this journey, to stay true to you. And a lot of times that means holding your goals close within to stay focused. See, I told you being MILFEE is about more than being "fine" although it is that too. But the initial work to change the outside back into this woman of pride comes from within. So, beyond feeling beautiful in the skin you're in, our first step is to feel great in the spirit we are in. THAT is what begins to make the difference in our lives, and makes us radiate, perhaps glow, the way we did when we were just on the journey to simply be...women.
It is an important part of our womanhood, of that sex appeal that attracted our mates, or father of our children, whatever your relationship may be, that we be able to think for ourselves, like we use to. People may get mad and call it you just doing you, but really, maybe you've learned a secret, that if you don't want to lose focus, sometimes you just have to be about it and not speak about it.
I once heard a psychic, who was accused of being a phony say that the reason she always told her clients never to disclose what she'd told them to anyone was because once you do that other people put their energy on it and THAT is what may change things and make them appear to be unreal. And yes, while it initially sounds like something to cover her ass, the basis of it is true. A lot of times what is being bred in you to be able to do to be successful at reaching your goal is for you. And if you go around letting others put their energy on it, saying that what you want to be is impossible, it may then enter into your brain as such, and that then may become true.
It is important, on this journey, to stay true to you. And a lot of times that means holding your goals close within to stay focused. See, I told you being MILFEE is about more than being "fine" although it is that too. But the initial work to change the outside back into this woman of pride comes from within. So, beyond feeling beautiful in the skin you're in, our first step is to feel great in the spirit we are in. THAT is what begins to make the difference in our lives, and makes us radiate, perhaps glow, the way we did when we were just on the journey to simply be...women.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Why Be Milfee?
It feels like it has taken me forever to make this post. I've been back and forth with what to include, but I guess the first introduction I'd like for you to have to my blog is why I call it's called Make Me Milfee.
No, it's not because I fancy myself a cougar of any sort, but, rather, that I fancy myself a woman, whose become a mother, searching for different things to bring that same sense of being the woman I was before I had children back into her life.
See about a month ago now, I gave birth to my second son in two years...my oldest being almost 21 months, and I find myself falling into that rut that a lot of mothers have. You know, rarely getting dressed, and by that I mean consciously putting clothes on, or having time to even just braid my hair, or put earrings on. Not to mention how pleasantly baby fat plump I feel.
Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy being a mom, and there are other things that have happened to me during this time of beginning my journey through motherhood that may have affected me as well (perhaps we'll touch on that a little later), but, for the most part, I want to feel like a little bit of my old self is lurking inside as well. And, because I know I can't be the only mother who is caught between enjoying eating as much as I need to feed the baby and maybe I should practice some restriction so this weight that I've gained won't be so hard to lose, I figure if I take others on this journey with me, I'll stay motivated to become a fine...MILFEE.
So, while i may not get back down to this size (what was I like 100 lbs wet. I weighed more than this in high school).
I do want to take the time to feel good enough to get dressed further than I have been on a daily basis. (I'd post a pic of me today, but that would be unfair since I am still carrying baby weight for real and look like I've been missing sleep).
I want to feel healthy, confident, all of those things that I can't stop my mind from wandering to when I daydream about what life was like before. Not because I don't enjoy my kids, but because, as a woman I don't want 30 years to go by and me look up and say why didn't I take the time out for me while I was giving so much energy to others, even if they were my kids.
So, here is to this journey. Hoping that you coming along with me, sharing what I learn about what I'm wanting, how I see myself and want to appear to others makes it a whole lot easier to MAKE ME MILFEE!! And maybe you too ;).
No, it's not because I fancy myself a cougar of any sort, but, rather, that I fancy myself a woman, whose become a mother, searching for different things to bring that same sense of being the woman I was before I had children back into her life.
See about a month ago now, I gave birth to my second son in two years...my oldest being almost 21 months, and I find myself falling into that rut that a lot of mothers have. You know, rarely getting dressed, and by that I mean consciously putting clothes on, or having time to even just braid my hair, or put earrings on. Not to mention how pleasantly baby fat plump I feel.
Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy being a mom, and there are other things that have happened to me during this time of beginning my journey through motherhood that may have affected me as well (perhaps we'll touch on that a little later), but, for the most part, I want to feel like a little bit of my old self is lurking inside as well. And, because I know I can't be the only mother who is caught between enjoying eating as much as I need to feed the baby and maybe I should practice some restriction so this weight that I've gained won't be so hard to lose, I figure if I take others on this journey with me, I'll stay motivated to become a fine...MILFEE.
So, while i may not get back down to this size (what was I like 100 lbs wet. I weighed more than this in high school).
I want to feel healthy, confident, all of those things that I can't stop my mind from wandering to when I daydream about what life was like before. Not because I don't enjoy my kids, but because, as a woman I don't want 30 years to go by and me look up and say why didn't I take the time out for me while I was giving so much energy to others, even if they were my kids.
So, here is to this journey. Hoping that you coming along with me, sharing what I learn about what I'm wanting, how I see myself and want to appear to others makes it a whole lot easier to MAKE ME MILFEE!! And maybe you too ;).
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